Doodleyscratch

“i am riding marsha-go-round”

happyhappyhappy

30.5.09 || 10:47:00 PM

people! i'm back in charge now. lol finally got time to write sumthin on. but im actually feelin kinda lazy to include d detail. sooo be patient with me, with only points of events, and.. PICS. lol it should be enough, isnt it??

well well. i had a sleepover bash in jessi's base may 20th!! lol with cissy, inez, adel, jessi (absolutely), chika, n desi. and.. two intruders: gvn davin. nyehehe at d night, we hung out in mc'd bsd with ming2 + didi till like 23.30. lol d guys in mc'd must be flippin out. we were so SO loud. :) yea after we got kicked out nicely, we went straight to jc's base and just mingled. at about 02.00 in d morning, gvn n davin backed out. while the girls...? got crazy till like 04.00 in d morning. nyehehe

aaaah lurv them muchos muchos muchos. *smoochsmooch :)
thx a bunch for this whole joyhappinessgiddiness u guys given me. lol

and now. movin on to the next subject... lippo!! hwe2 this friday, cissy took *read: dragged* me out to lippo. etu n yoseph were also in d plan. i enjoyed that muchos! lol we've got some serious stupid pics in iconlife and an adrenaline rush (for me, it was just a laugh - nyahaha! snobgirl) on d jetcoaster. etu chickened out n didnt take d ride. but that's ok. we won't dare to spill his gut by forcin 'im. nyehehe here are our pics.

nyehehe thx muchos muchos muchos!! x)

hoahhm. signing off for now. ;) gbu..

Labels: friendship, justmylife, ultimate experience

it's raining

21.5.09 || 8:43:00 PM

everything is wrong..
it rains when you're here
and it rains when you're gone..

Labels: justmylife, justmythought, wordswords

BANYAK MAUNYA

19.5.09 || 5:23:00 PM

aku ingin beranjak sedikit
bergoyang sedikit
bergeming sedikit

aku ingin tertawa sedikit
menangis sedikit
termenung sedikit

aku ingin asa sedikit
cinta sedikit
sakit sedikit

aku hanya ingin sedikit
sedikit saja
sedikit saja kutelusuri setiap rasa
sedikit saja

darimu
denganmu
karenamu
karenaku

bolehkah..??

*janji deh, takkan sedikit yang kan kuberikan buat kamu :]

Labels: love, wordswords

oasis

18.5.09 || 6:38:00 PM

i promised u d details of my last trip to sanggar akar, didn't i?? nyehehhehe
well well. i'll give u a cover but won't dip my fingers in d details. lol too busy for that now! what can i say is, sanggar akar, dumpit, and places alike really are my oasis of tranquility. *nyeheheh look at my words! my, my. everytime i visit em, everytime i get back from visiting em... it sets my heart on fire - a burning spirit to do something more. to do better. it also sets my heart at peace - a chance to be absent from aallll mortal cares.

i lurv desboy, johan, saneri, agus, pak de.. all the people in sanggar akar. it always feels like home, and they are all great people. really. i lurv k irene, tia, yuni, engkur, madi, idin, esa, upay... all the people in dumpit. lol i'm even smiling like an idiot now when i'm thinking of em! x)

uwaaa. lol i'm in a mixture of everythin. nyeheheheh
it's good to be happy bcus of somethin worthwhile. it's good to be happy - not depending from my lurv situation with pmpek - but from people around, the way they touch my heart.

and to that, i should give more and more credits to my oasis of happiness, my happy charms:
cissy - gavin - inez - adel - jessi - monik - maya - adel - caesa - amanda DW - bangdavid (binus e.com) - grace (binus e.com) - nadya (binus e.com)

and of course, my mom - sleepy - bangben - endy - k dita - ci nike

all of whom which have made me soooo happy. only those can make me burst in laughter like a retarded and insanely, i'm lucky to have u guys. x)

i lurv u, people. i really do. without u, i'm nothin.

so, all i can say is..
감사합니다, 제 친구야.. 너무 사랑해.. :)
thx muchos, amigos.. lurv u so damnmuch.

*cant wait till our sleepoverbash dis weds!! lol
be ready to have fun go mad, jay and the crew ft. d'boys..!!

Labels: friendship, giddywhoop, justmylife, justmythought

perfect mixture

17.5.09 || 10:57:00 PM

happy.

it's GREAT

WONDERFUL

SUPER-AMAZING

to be back to sanggar akar :]

*a galery for abandoned/street children

d details?? lol it has to wait.

i'm cracked up like hell. nyeheheheh so exhausted!!

but yet so thrilled n happy. x)

Labels: giddywhoop, ultimate experience

kuning dan kelabu

15.5.09 || 11:00:00 PM

uwaa. it's been a while since the last time i posted my artwork. lol i actually have them everywhere but they're all TOO scattered away that i cant even remember where i put those. nyehehehhehe stupido.

anyways. i'd post one of them before i start to the main topic. :)

15.05.09 - 07.40 a.m.
tunggu!
kuning ingin bicara
ia bingung sampai-sampai jadi jingga
bukan, bukan tentang cinta
tentang saudara...
kuning jadi ceria karena nadanya
kuning jadi suram karena ceritanya
(lho, kenapa bisa??)
Iya! karena ceritanya
bukan tentang kuning atau jingga
bahkan merah yang teman jauhnya kuning tidak juga
saudara hanya cerita
tentang hitam, ungu, kelabu, nila
dengan kuning sangat berbeda
(terus kenapa?)
harusnya tak apa
toh ia saudara
(jadi masalahnya apa?)
ah, sudahlah - biarkan saja

*inspired by cissy. lol
who insisted on something about cracking a brotherhood. - fiction only, dearie!

nyehehehhe and now.. back to everyday business. x)
first, let me say that speedy is OFFICIALLY sucks! nyeheheheh
i've been havin dis LAME inet connections and it's buggin me to death. *sigh
what's so bloody hard with just givin me a nice and fast inet connection??
lol oow, touchy.

yea. talking about touchy. school todays is crazy.
it breaks my heart to see red-eyed people everywhere.
some of them are panicky, some of them just sittin, hands-up, tired of fighting.
yea people. i'm talking about our lots - whose final scores aren't sufficient to pass 11th grade. and that makes me feel useless - able of no help. i mean, what can i do??
i could just lend my ears and my shoulders. i could only offer them my come-on-now-cheer-up-and-keep-fighting sh*t speech. MAN! how i wish i could do more. especially for those closer to me.

the more i give them encouragement, the more they insist on how impossible it is for them.
how teachers have shown no help even up till now. how their efforts seem useless.

all i can do is praying for them and still being a SUPER nice friend for them.

let us all give them the best of us these days, shall we?? :)

okay. just a light talk for today. i know i've been boring you guys with my "essay" on homosexuality lately. lol dun worry though. it'll pause for quite a while. nyehehehhe

right then, people. i'm off. nitey nite, wish u guys all the bestest luck. x)
oww, i forgot. and take care very nicely of ur health! it's sick, really, our world today.

God bless!!

Labels: justmythought, wordswords

on again - HOMOSEXUALITY

13.5.09 || 3:13:00 PM

okay, people. lol thx for ur prayers, i'm feeling much better now. x)

well, just a lil insight about my days lately:
i went to jessi's 17th bday bash on sunday. (we had MUCHOS fun. lol)
i got sick monday n tues. (it sucks, guys)
i got a few great marks. (thank YOU, oh, thank YOU, my LORD)

and now.. on again with the gay topic. nyeheheh
so, yesterday - despite d f-ing headache - i had quite a great discussion with my religion teacher. i asked her about gays, the church standing on this issue, etc etc etc. lol and she told me that as far as she knew, catholic church has never really been against the gays.

humm i'm not really sure. so i googled it and found some entries about it.
but before i spare you guys the details, i'll give u a hint about my personal granstanding. lol

well, i'm not an against-gays person. i'm even kinda curious about them, and sometimes i feel pity for them. not bcus of their sex preferences, but.. for the public's reaction. i do kinda believe that every love is beautiful, sacred, and worth-fighting. (idealist and weepy, i know. lol)

*pls note that when i'm talking about gays or homosexuals, i talk only about those with PURE hearts. not those who do this thingy just for fun or out of damn curiosity. NO. i'm talkin bout them who are born with this, and even more specific, those who feel true lurv.

well, i feel sorry that their love is considered abnormal. and i AM confused about what they should do. should they.. marry?? should they.. have sex?? i don't know. i'm still not sure about this one - their future.

i just despise public's hatred and their ignorance. can't we just try to understand their difficulties??

and then came the all-time fave argument, "it's against God's will!"
but why would God create them then?? well, i have two probable theory for this.

first, God created this type of people (with a 'different' sexual orientation) to test them. i mean, it could be an analogy to the handicaps. that they should overcome their weakness and be like the way they should. which is i'm sure TOTALLY difficult. they should deny their nature?? humm. i'm not sure enough.

or second, God created this type of people to show US how to treat and love people equally, to show appreciation, to learn ADJUSTING.

what do u guys think??

well, to offer u a wide reference, i'll quote some sources on this issue.

1. http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_rom.htm
"Comparing Catholic homosexual beliefs with those of other faith groups:
Catholic beliefs are grounded in their concept of natural law. The church once taught that the sole purpose of sex -- and marriage -- was procreation. On this basis, they forbid the use of artificial methods of birth control, and consider sexual intercourse other than that between a husband and wife to be a grave mortal sin. Forbidden practices include masturbation, pre-marital sex, post-marital sex, extra-marital sex and all same-sex behaviors.

Most conservative religious institutions teach that homosexuality is a chosen, and changeable addictive behavior. However, the Roman Catholic church accepts the findings of almost all human sexuality researchers and mental health therapists that a minority of humans have a homosexual orientation that is discovered -- often after puberty. It is not chosen, and is generally not changeable.

They regard homosexual orientation to be unnatural and abnormal. They refer to it as 'objectively disordered. They view homosexual practices as very serious mortal 'sins gravely contrary to chastity'."

humm. quite a contrary to what my religion teacher said, isn't it?? then, what does the church suggest for these people??

Well, the site did say something about this:

The church teaches that there are some forms of discrimination against gays and lesbians which are just. Access to marriage and the formation of sexually active committed non-marital relationships are not options that they believe should be open to gays and lesbians.

Well, well. still not answering my question. i mean, it's not really a medication or a way out, is it?? dun worry though guys. lol i'm writing all this not to contradict my OWN church and belief. i just really wanna kno about it. so i promise u, i'll keep looking for the answers. lol

and here is the quotation from another source; a non-religious source:

2. http://www.slate.com/id/2194232/
"You have all this antagonism against homosexuality because they say it's against nature because it doesn't lead to reproduction. We found out this is not true because homosexuality is just one of the consequences of strategies for making females more fecund."

you should totally check this site out. it's awesome, and it's gonna definitely rock ur boat. lol it explains about how gay men can actually be genetics. well to be more precise, i'll quote the site.

we're not really talking about genes for homosexuality. We're talking about genes for "androphilia," i.e., attraction to men.

this could be a side effect of female evolutions! wow. well, i actually can't explain it right. lol i just give u some hints and bait - here and there, so that u'd check it out for urself. lol

so, people. let's get our brains and hearts doing a lil thinking, shall we?? nyeheheh i'm just really curious and cus of all the excitement, i can't really type it in a nice order. lol pls forgive me and try to enjoy. ;)

muchos lurv. God bless.

signing off.

Labels: justmythought, wordswords

dead-sick

11.5.09 || 6:25:00 PM

hiiyaa there, people. >.<
i'm not feeling well today. i had a blackout at school this afternoon, but thank God i didn't faint. lol it would be tooo embarassing. :) this happens more frequent these days. i dunno...

what's wrong with me?? i hate it. really.

ooh!! by the way. it's been a few days now that i'm ignoring pmpek. lol
i'm in a stage called:
"so-damn-can't-do-that-but-trying-to-let-go-before-hurt"
nyeheheheh pathetic i know. but.. what else can i do?
inez spilled me a fact (or a rumour??) yesterday. the point is, pmpek is fancying our junior.
the point of the point is, i feel hurt and lied to.

come on! if there's no hope, pls don't give me a fake one. just prepare ur gut and kick me outta ur effin life. it would be a much LESS dramatic and LESS painful option. lol
the issue came right after i felt like maybe i DID have a shot anyway, for God's sake!
idiota, i know. i let cissy convinced me on how pmpek couldn't keep his eyes of me yesterday. dang! i should've known it was too good to be true. lol how can i be so hopeful about it??

anyways. let's move on to another topic. lol

i watched this talk show entitled d'show on transtv. today's topic is "gay love". so they invited a lesbian couple, interviewing them about their lifestyles, their opinions, their beliefs... and i was kinda curious cus they both said that they quite realised that what they did was counter-normality, and thay they would be married to guys finally.

it was funny. their reason was they just felt happy with the way they lived now, and everything about future can wait. just go with the flow.

humm. i'm not trying to judge them or what - bcus who am i to do so?? i've never been in their shoes anyway. but i think.. if u put everything ON the flow and prevent urself from thinking or reflecting... it's just kinda irresponsible.

it always bothers me though, the fact about the gays. i've never been an against-gays person. i think, what they feel (the true gays, at least - not the at-club-only-gays) is a true feeling. just like what i feel to a man, or what a man feels to a woman. it is LOVE. people may say, it's a wrong love. but is there a wrong love, really? or every love is beautiful and worth fighting??

beside... they can't help who they are. especially those who were born with the personality - not those who become gays because a traumatic experience with their former partner or just out of curiosity. why would God create them then?? people would say that gays are against God's will.

people! i'd write more later. soon. ASAP. lol the headache is killin me.
see ya'. x)

oh! and pls pray for me people. i dun wanna be hospitalized ANYMORE. pls, i really hope that this isn't serious. >.<>

Labels: justmylife, justmythought, love

hopeful?

9.5.09 || 8:47:00 AM

i had a much better day yesterday. it doesn't suck like the days before, i started to feel much happier. :) credit goes to my girls: cissy, inez, adel, jc, dc, niq, maya. and of course, my 'what-endearment-should-i-call-him-i-dunno' pmpek. lol my radio drama crew also came by and they kinda brightened up my day. credit goes to maura, cisan, bhowo, cissy! lol had a great time with my mom and some other big family members too. everything was in its right place. :)

lurv u a bunch, people!! x)

seriously. dunno what i'd be like without all them.

i think HE - GOD - really wants me close. sorry Father, i've been disappointing for too much time. but i feel really lost, i can't see Your Light for now. it's too cloudy, it's too terrifying. i can't even cheer myself up, remembering Your Words, "Do not fear.".

yea, folks. i'm facing the most horridious time now. i'm totally afraid, i feel hopeless - and this doesnt concern pmpek or any issue concerning him!

i'm scared about my future with all this happening.
i'm even afraid to face THE BIG DAY. oh, crap.

i know i'm totally babbling and u've got no idea what i'm talking about. but i really need to spill. otherwise i'd go crack. lol i even cried at school and pretended that my softlenses just got an irritation. HAH. thank God everyone believed it *my girls weren't really convinced, tho*.

*sigh.

have u guys ever felt such fear?? the one that u can't get rid of, that blackens all ur day, diminishing all your hopes, even eludes your faith??

comments and replies are welcome. lol it'll be terrifyingly good to have a friend with the same situation. nyehehehe

i'm signing off now. :]

*life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass by.
it's about learning to dance in the rain..

Labels: justmythought, ruined biatch, ultimate experience

red-eyed girl

7.5.09 || 10:39:00 PM

tears -- red-eyed
a ghost upon my shadow
trembling fear
consuming all my light - leaving it crumpled

forgotten
abandoned
unbelieving
horrified by the tales of all non-believers
(yes, they screamed! they moaned! oh, the fear...)

dying to trust, to hold
to lean on the mountain
to get some salvation..

found it nowhere!
desperate to ask,
"why can't i feel it?"
"why am i being left?"

am i?

am i, God?

i know
i know Thy Eyes see me
but i know not
i can't see it clear (blame all the grey clouds!)

i was a believer
i am now
i will always be

working to keep my promise:
i will always love YOU

Labels: bloody day, ruined biatch