Doodleyscratch

“i am riding marsha-go-round”

Messy Business

13.8.11 || 8:23:00 PM

We all carry around so much pain in our hearts. Love and pain and beauty. They all seem to go together like one little tidy confusing package. It's a messy business, life. It's hard to figure--full of surprises. Some good. Some bad.

-Henry Bromel,1991

Labels: quotes

ponyo!

5.7.11 || 10:01:00 PM

I've finally found what i wanna name Ponyo!

It's been driving me crazy for some times now hhas

But i was chatting with Y and Amanda D.W. and it just hit me.

This name, Ponyo, belongs to nothing but a penguin!

A cute, fluffy baby Emperor penguin. (x

So... problem solved! (;

We're only one baby Emperor penguin away to actually apply the solution. :p hhas

see how cute it izzzzz???

"It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!"

- Agnes, Despicable Me

Now I just can't stop picturing having a baby Emperor penguin as my pet, waddling around behind me and making best friends with my dogs. lalalaaaa

PS. thanks, God. I looked to You after all my strength is gone, and You did help me through. I give thanks to Thee for my fear is now gone. (':

Labels: give-thanks, heart-this, it's-so-me, justmylife, quotes, randoming

Untitled

26.6.11 || 9:17:00 AM

I think to be in love means breaking down your walls, surrendering a part of your heart, and having the courage to show your weaknesses to the other person; your partner should not judge you but instead they become your support system that helps strengthen you when you’re allowing a part of yourself to be open. Being in love is supposed to be gut-wrenching and heart-stopping in a beautiful kind of way. Love is supposed to make you go crazy and you should be able to view life in a much grander scale. The sky’s supposed to be brighter and the flowers should bloom even more. I think a person should see even more beauty of life when they’re in love.

-Cantika P.

that quote is just beautiful.

i quoted it from a senior who is really great at writing. and it's just beautiful.

to me, it happens to be true.

i've spent almost my entire life building walls, hiding pain, keeping story to myself.

i find it... 'unappealing' to show my weaknesses and make a fuss of something private.

i share only a little, and that too is only for certain closest people.

and even the closest people never get the full story. or what i truly feel about a certain issue.

when i feel really sad about something, and i happen to have or need to tell someone about it, i usually warn them in advance 'don't try to console me! don't say anything! do not comment!' in fear that if they do so, i might break down and cry my eyes out.

and that's what i try my best to avoid.

people say i'm a good listener: i don't push people to tell me what i wanna hear, but rather let them tell me what they wanna tell.

but when it comes to telling my own story?

nah. not my thing.

i just feel that i can't bother people with my stories and problems, they've got their own.

i'm the strong shoulder to cry on. i cannot, and i shouldn't, break down.

but as time goes by, and the burden starts to pile up on my shoulder, i find it harder to be so strong and be superhero myself.

and then this man came.

he showed me how stupid i am to put on a mask every time, and not letting even the closest ones know me.

*although he himself doesn't really like to tell his stories to people as well HAHA

but then just like that, we both learned to open up our selves.

he was really glad when i was willing to open a 'curhat' session with him, and vice versa.

we started to tell each other our stories; not only the 'haha-hihi' part of our selves, but also showing our weaknesses.

and along the way, we fell in love with each other.

i realized, when i've started to do this, there is no going back.

i've given him a part of me, sometimes it can be the most fragile one, knowingly that he can break it apart.

but i think, that's what it's all about.

if one wants to make a relationship works or moves into the next level, one needs to give him/herself to the partner.

of course, i personally think that in a relationship, still, there should be some parts of me i need to keep to myself. otherwise i might lose myself completely when *amitamit* things go awry and we need to go our separate way.

but nonetheless there needs to be some depth, some trust.

we need to have the courage to show our weaknesses, and to accept theirs as well as we accompany them, and support them along the way.

my significant other and i are in the process of learning this.

sometimes we are still unwilling to be seen weak in front of each other.

but event after event have shown that when we have enough courage to break down our walls and let the other one comes in, and more over understands, we discover something that makes our relationship stronger.

we see things a bit clearer, and everything seems to be even more beautiful.

so, Y, i know that we are both having our own problems now.

but as we always say to each other, we will always be together.

i'll be right there holding your hands as you'll be right here holding mine.

we'll support each other in our own battle. and we'll come out both winners.

be tough, kecoakman. (:

semangat semangaaaaaaat!

you will always be my supersuperhero.

i love you. ♥ :*

Labels: it's-so-me, justmylife, justmythought, love, quotes

no fun to almost torture

19.6.11 || 8:22:00 PM

You should seriously be ashamed of yourself - you are no fun to interrogate or almost torture! -Sue Sylvester (to Artie)

Labels: quotes, yes-im-a-gleek

beauty of life

18.6.11 || 9:41:00 AM

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

-Unknown

HAHA funny.

*wondering what's with the title? well, i actually intended to post a quote about beauty of life, but this quote creamed it. period.

Labels: quotes

i've learned that...

15.6.11 || 11:41:00 AM

You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love. -Nicholas Sparks

Remember the previous post, when i told a story about 'the girl'?

well, most likely you can already guess that it was about me (;

today, i am not gonna post anything mellow-y.

instead... i'm gonna post something about... choice, and thanksgiving :DD

well, despite the enigma i've put myself into, there are things i've discovered along the winding road i chose.

First.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

and that applies for me as well.

i did choose 'love', and it had cost me one of my best friends.

i guess i've always known what was coming for me, but somehow somewhere, i kept that hope that she would eventually forgive me, that she would want to see me happy. i always said to my self, hey, if things were reversed, i knew that i would want that.

but that's that. knew - knowing. how could i know for sure that i too would be able to forgive so easily?

well as a matter of fact, this kinda thing happened to me when i was in primary school. i know, you will say 'puppy love *scoff*'. but it hurt me as well when my best friend hooked up with the boy i liked. however, i helped them hook up, and accept *although rather tearfully at first* that they were both happier together than if the three of us just walked around by our selves.

well guess i'll never know for sure how it felt to be my (former?) best friend. so i can't *and i won't* judge her, or even myself, because she as well would never know what it feels like to be me, and choosing what i chose right in my shoes.

i mean, i have a picture of the feeling, but i will never feel it exactly like she would. and vice versa.

so if i may be so bold, can i just say 'i'm really, really sorry that i have to hurt you in the process. i never intended to hurt you. but if i have to be really honest, i don't regret that i made this choice - to fight for my love. i just hope that one day you'll be able to let this go off your chest, and love, and live to the fullest again.'

Second.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

At first, i found it hard to forgive myself. i blamed my self for hurting her, for trampling on her hopes, and probably made it difficult for her to ever trust people again. During those days, i would 'punish' myself by looking at her facebook status *which talks about betrayal quite a lot* and mourn the truth that for once, i AM the bad guy. i let her hurt me through all that status because well, i thought i deserved that.

i didn't even listen to what my other best friends like jessi, amanda, ita, nana, monik, or caesa said that it was not really my fault. that i didn't 'snatch' anything from her. that it was a matter of love and heart, and so who was to blame but no one?

but then i read a few things about forgiveness. that i shouldn't let people hurt me. that it was only a shortcut to be able to think of myself better.

so i started to learn to forgive myself.

i now fully realized that i did what i believed was best for me, and my lover. that i too did hurt her, but i had sincerely apologized. and whether i like it or not, it is her choice to forgive me and be free, or not.

as to when i would be able to forgive myself completely, well, it remains unknown. the process hasn't ended yet, but at least it has started.

Third.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I always said that the reason why i didn't stand aside for my best friend and avoid hurting people's feelings like i usually did was because i believed about what i felt to this guy, about what we have, and about what we hope for the future, as you might have noticed in the past posts.

what i didn't mention was, during the process, i experienced a few times how this faith got shaken. sometimes i wondered, what if all this was proven to be wrong. what if we separated along the way. didn't it mean that i had hurt my best friend for nothing?

but occasions after occasions proved to me that those worries were all non sense. i love him now, he loves me now, so what does it matter? in the future, a few things might change and it will, because what doesn't? whether it will change for the better or worse, i don't know yet. but i am sure that our love is worth to fight for, and i am grateful that i had the courage to choose the winding road and take the risk for what i believe in: US. (':

Fourth.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

Along the journey, i discovered that i do still have these amazing, wonderful people behind me, that support and love me no matter what i choose.

My family - thanks, Mom, for believing in me that i would never mean any harm to anyone.

My bestfriends - thanks Amanda, for accompanying me the whole last night i met her where nothing seemed right; thanks Jessi, for always telling me, that it is a matter of heart and love, and to help me forgive myself; thanks Monik, Maya, Caesa, Chin-chin, for making everything more bearable that day.

My lover - thanks Yoseph, for accompanying me thru that night even if just by SMS and phone (: thanks for making me feel better. thanks for yosephizing my life. :*

So in the end, i can proudly say that.. i've learned more about friendship, love, forgiveness, choice, and being grateful.

This experience has helped me grow, hopefully to be a better person. (:

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. -Omer B. Washington

Labels: c'est la vie, friendship, justmylife, love, quotes

The Perfect Man

12.6.11 || 12:56:00 PM

You won’t be his first, his last, or his only.
He’s loved before, he will love again,
but if he loves you now, what else matters?
He’s not perfect.
You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect.
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice,
and if he admits to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto him and give him the most you can.
He isn’t going to quote poetry.
He’s not thinking about you every moment,
but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.
Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give.
Don’t analyze.
Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there.
Love hard when there is love to be had.
Because perfect guys don’t exist,
but there’s always one guy who is perfect for you.

-Bob Marley

http://itsjustahobby.tumblr.com/post/2996170779/itsjustahobby-tumblr-com

Labels: love, quotes