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dignity and pride
1.6.11 || 10:34:00 AM
all my life i've been trying to be this nice little girl. especially after my father had passed away and i am left alone with my mom. i knew ever since then that i had to be the best daughter i can be so that i wouldn't have to make my mom suffer, or my dad disappointed of me. i want to make my mom's life easier, and my dad - wherever he is now, hopefully in a much better place than this earth - proud of me.
i always study when i have to, i don't need my mom yelling at me for that.
i always try to be a nice friend for the people around me.
never yell at them, always try to never talk bad or curse at anybody.
when people stab my back, i always try just to accept that knife with a smile.
i never tried to retaliate.
when people talk dirty about me, i learned to hide the pain in a smile and cry just when i am alone in bed at night.
but i am tired. i am tired being that nice little girl, who would not say anything when people hurt her, who would always forgive people, who would avoid any fight, or having any enemy; who hates it so bad whenever there are people who dislike her.
i am tired.
and to you, these two particular people who apparently showed up just to make my life miserable and none otherwise,
what did i do that hurt you? why do you keep hurting me?
why can't you say that right to my face instead of just talking bad behind my back?
i wonder if that even a TRUTH that came out of your mouth *or worse, text msg - and not even to me, but other people.
DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT HAVE THE GUTS TO SAY IT TO MY FACE?
ARE YOU AFRAID THAT I MIGHT FIND OUT THAT ALL OF THEM ARE LIES?
so you are rich. WELL, I DON'T CARE.
why do rich people think they can trample on the poor and the powerless?
why do you think you can hurt us just all you want?
i am so annoyed that my first reaction was only silence.
complete, solid silence.
and that it pierced me right through the hotter side of my brain.
the next reaction was i wanted to scream at your face all the curses i would try hardest to avoid.
and i hate you for that. i hate you for putting those words inside my brain.
all those curses that contaminated me like poison - that i so detest, but cannot resist.
i chose to shut my mouth instead of letting you win the battle by turning me into an emotional cursing girl.
and the third reaction, was crying.
i couldn't stop crying for it hurt me so bad.
i cried, and i cried, and i cried.
in short, i cried my eyes out. for only God knows how long.
so i learned my lesson.
you can talk all you want, but i'll regain my calmness.
i WILL NOT, and mark my words, i WILL NOT accept your insults anymore.
but unlike you, who offend people in any way that you can, i will take the classy way to stand up for my self.
i will not swear, or curse at you.
i will smile upon that desperate step of yours.
and know deeply in my heart, and be grateful, that i do not have to take such an act to hurt someone who had never hurt you.
yeah, at the end of the day, i will smile.
i will forgive you.
but not like a meek little girl anymore;
instead with dignity. and pride.
Labels: bloody day, c'est la vie, numb, ruined biatch
