Doodleyscratch

“i am riding marsha-go-round”

MOVED

16.9.11 || 9:22:00 AM

Since 2008, Doodleyscratch has been a loyal friend to me. It was always ready to contain my stories, it was the only one that listened without judging me.

However, I believe that in life, we have to make progress.
We need to be always in journey to find the true self; we need improvements as well.
Therefore, I am planning on to make a more serious maintenance of my blog.
As part of a bigger plan in mind, I hereby changed my domain to:

Marsha-Go-Round
Here (I hope) you will find my future blog somewhat more organized.

So, remember:

Please do pay a visit to my new blog, and click on the image above! :D

See you on "the other side", Doodleyscratch...
Thanks a lot for all these years. (':

Labels: Goodbye

Chinese Astrology

6.9.11 || 9:15:00 PM

According to Chinese Astrology, I have goat as my sign. It's true that I was born in 1992 (year of monkey), but it was before the Chinese New Year, so I still got goat. (;

Just for fun, I'll post a read of my personality through the goats in general (which I think is pretty accurate about me! :p)

"Caring, thoughtful, and responsible. Always look to make it right. Handle ups and downs well. Trustworthy and gentle. Avoid unnecessary conflicts, and get nervous on unforeseen situations. Enjoy life and are able to see pleasure in things most don't. Have a powerful imagination. A lavish lover. Don't ask for love but deep inside need lots of love and care."

hhas it's (relatively) so me. Especially those in bold. :p

Labels: it's-so-me, randoming

think good thoughts

3.9.11 || 11:19:00 AM

I won't let the negativity turn me into my enemy,

Promise to myself that I won't let it get the best of me,

That's how I want to be

I'm not saying that it's easy,

Especially when I'm moody,

I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,

Oh and you use them, you regret them,

Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

And when I start feeling blue,

I remember to tell myself to,

Think good thoughts

being born a natural over-sensitive, I often let myself be defined by my emotion. watching sad movies (or even happy-ending movies, mind you!), listening to touching music, seeing happy old couple... yes, even simple stuffs like that.

be it sadness, joy, agony, anger, hurt; my emotion comes first. true that I don't always show them, especially the sad and painful, to just about everyone. the heroic reason behind this, of course, is to make sure that people don't have to worry about me. that I don't want to burden people's mind, or steal their precious time. the side reason, in the meanwhile, is that sometimes, owning up weaknesses make them more inevitable. with all these in mind, I am reserved to keep almost everything to myself (and few others with special privilege to some parts of my heart).

I do not want to be weak by showing that I am in pain, or something is bugging me. but instead, by keeping all the negativity inside myself, it weakens me from deep within. and the loved ones closest to me, often get their 'parts' from this over-emotional me. my mother, mbok, my boyfriend, sometimes my soul sister. sometimes they just get a light silence from emotional-me-level-1. sometimes, when the emotional-me-level-2 shows up, they get cold answers. but on the rare occasion when emotional-me-level-XXX shows up (not to mention when the 'monthly-guest' shows up in the same time), they can get completely irrational behavior from me. be it harsh talk, angry outburst, unexpected tears.

like what's been said in the song, 'words can be like weapons'. when I am surrounded with negativity, I can use words without thinking. not necessarily cursing words like 'sh*t' or 'f*ck'. just regular vocabulary, but with 'admirable' accuracy and acuity, accompanied with 'admirably' acute tone, that's able to hurt someone. yes, words I cannot take back. words and tones I can only regret right afterwards. for the shortest of moments it feels satisfying, to launch those knife-sharp words. it humors the anger inside me. it feeds the negativity inside me. at the cost of hurting my loved ones. I have made my mother cried when we had this huge fight back then, you see.

have you ever felt such things? have you ever experienced that yourself?

I think everyone has, at least once. or if you have not, you probably will. (or maybe that's just something I come up with to comfort myself).

Well, the song above (Think Good Thoughts by Colbie Caillat) holds the answer. especially to me. every time I feel negativity creeps in, I always try to think good thoughts. when those evil words and tones crawl up to my head, ready to launch, I shut my lips tight and think happy thoughts. silence is better at times like this. it serves the time needed to resort my thoughts.

It is not easy, I assure you. but what's life, without the journey to find the true self? The true self with unlimited potentials, unlimited good's, ready to unleash. I may fail here and there. I may fall down. I may lose the battle once or twice. but (hopefully I'll always remember this), I will not stop. I will not let negativity takes the better of me (especially at the cost of hurting my loved ones).

I will think good thoughts.

I'm not saying that it's easy,

Especially when I'm moody,

I might be cursing like a sailor till I remind myself I'm better,

Cause words can be like weapons,

Oh and you use them, you regret them,

Oh but I'm not gonna let them take away my heaven

Labels: heart-this, it's-so-me, justmylife, justmythought

hey, soul sisters!

1.9.11 || 12:00:00 AM

hi, everyone! :D I want you to meet someone.

tadaaaa! her name is Amanda.

she is one of the very first friends I made in junior high.

we've been best friends for about 7 years now.

she's one of the very few people who have access to almost everything in my heart.

to her I can be honest, and so can she to me.

in sufferings, she's one of the very few people who I can seek for consolations

without having to antagonize my pride.

we are quite alike in many things. sometimes it even still surprises me how we can be so alike.

for example, we are both hardcore potterheads.

I still haven't found anyone like her who I can talk to about Harry Potter, the way we talk about it.

we also have passion for fashion.

well, we're not actually fashion people,

but we really, really enjoy it (penikmat, cenderung bukan pelaku).

and this is something we both never really talk about to anyone else.

another thing we find ourselves alike in, is music.

we both used to play piano (although of course she's way better than me),

and can miss it more than anything.

we both hate to see our instruments left behind, untouched, and finally become obsolete.

we think of our instruments as friends. old friends.

and thinking about leaving them, or they're sitting still without us playing them,

can bring tears to our eyes. (silly, eh? but that's us! :p)

we also have similar taste for music.

for example, classical music, oldies, jazz, disneys.. hhas

we happen to love books. and we have similar taste for them.

we both love dreaming, and pretty much everything magical!

of course we are also different in many aspects.

for instance, physically, she's tall and slender, while I'm more like a mini person.

she also loves foods and find herself hungry almost all the time,

while I don't really like food (though I enjoy gastronomy) and find myself NOT hungry almost all the time.

and many other examples.

in short, I find her like a sister I never had.

we are alike in so many things, but we are also different in so many ways.

that makes each one of the two of us really unique, but 'complementary'.

I know she's having quite a rough time these days.

but, like she believes in me, I also believe that she will get through this.

she will come out a winner. we will BOTH come out winners.

so, semangaaaaaaaaaaat!

belajarlah dengan gembira. know in your heart that this will get you further in life.

and we will, someday, travel all around the world together (;

keep that beautiful smile of yours; you know you can call me whenever your sky is about to fall.

I will come right beside you and hold your sky with you :D

I love you, 'soul sister', Amanda!

God bless us all! :D

Labels: friendship