Doodleyscratch

“i am riding marsha-go-round”

stubborn?

28.10.10 || 6:17:00 PM

a few days ago, i was cleaning my room with a broom in hand, and something got me thinkin.
it took form of a strand of hair - happened to sit around under a shoebox.
i happily swept it - or tried to sweep it, to be more precise. but it won't move even a bit!
i started to get a lil bit infuriated *just exaggerating* and swept even more 'passionately'.
it still won't move, darn it! hhas
nevertheless, i kept refusing to bend down and take it by hand. or at least move the shoebox first for i was too lazy to do all that.
and i couldn't help thinking, "damn it, it's one stubborn hair, isn't it?!"
but then somethin struck me right in the head.
"is it? isn't it YOU being stubborn?"

well, yeah. it's funny how such simple thing can help you judge -or rather, evaluate- yourself. but it happens! hhas thru a simple, 'stubborn' strand of hair i realized how stubborn sometimes i can be. how lazy sometimes i can be.
and that's not just about sweepin off some effin hair. it also happens in my daily life. sometimes i see at one problem and can't help thinking about it over and over again. i can get infuriated, even frustrated at times, about how it won't bend to my will. about why it won't just get better.
well, something has to change. the problems can't solve theirselves, for god's sake!
it's ME who has to change. it's MY PERSPECTIVE that has to change.
i always love this quote - and i happen to forget it a lot,
"you can't ask for THINGS to get better. you should ask YOURSELF to be better."
hhas true, isn't it? besides, before changing everything else, you gotta start somewhere. and it's YOURSELF. our selves. (x

sooo.. i hope this lil sharing can help us evaluating our selves.
just.. let's open up our eyes, our hearts, and learn from simple things around us. (x
happy sunday!

Labels: justmylife, justmythought

i lurv my life (x

25.10.10 || 1:59:00 PM

heyy people! (x
quite long time no talk. how life's been treating you?? great, i hope. hhas
anywayy. lots had been going on since the last time i wrote here.

ive had my midterm exams (hoorraaayy it's oveeeer!). and if you have to know, well, i could answer most the questions but dont know if the answers answered the questions enuf *if you know what i meant : p hhas

right after i finished the last exam on the run, i went to cihampelas walk wif my friends boo-yah! hhas (x we had sooo much fun. we saw the movie 'eat pray love' , julia roberts was great! always lurv her.
but well, if i have to be objective - and i'll try to, the movie wasnt that good. it won't be like 'omygosh i gotta watch it again and again and again!' but more like 'okay, not bad.. it has some good, great even, moments. but maybe if it was just....'. you know that kinda movie hhas
most of my friends who watched it wif me said it was boring. they ended up chatting wif each other HAHA - and they werent so quite, i guarantee you. : p
nevertheless, it was one of the movies who could quite capture my heart. maybe cos ive read and loved the book -which totally helps me understand the storyline. i especially lurv the scenery pictured there.. and food scenes in italy really broke my heart tho. HAHA what a pizzaaaaa... okay enuf wif daydreams about pizza : p

adit - indi - vinsen - mel - evan - alvin
adel - cha (me!) - inggrid

and do you also remember when i said i was a committee member for halloween party?? yaaaa it had been held successfully! (x during the exams days, there was one day when i got to wear costume and promote the party. so i strolled around in FISIP, scaring the hell outta people... you know. hhas FYI! i myself am a kinda person who's totally afraid of ghosts. so i saved some pics of me but not brave enuf to look at it by myself! HAHA how stupid it is.

theeen. oct 23rd, i FINALLY went back home. lovely sweet BSD city. home sweet home. hhas spent the whole day wif my bf and mom. and the dogs. and our maid. we celebrated my mom's bday (it shd be on oct 18th). i bought her earings and my bf bought her a BIG strawberry cheesecake and a box of lindts *chocolate, you see. we had fuuun. hhas after the lil surprise, i spent some time alone wif my bf. we talked a lot and laughed a lot. we saw the movie 'grownups'. yeaaaa the point is we had a quality time together and i was really reaaaally happy (x thanks, mom. thanks, jeleeek. thanks my sweet doggies. thanks, mbook. YOU GUYS HAVE MADE MY WEEKEND LIKE HEAVEN. mmmmwawch lurv y'all heaps.(x

and sooo. t'was my happy story. (:
i really hope you guys have awesome sweet moments just like moi.
it will refill your energy - it works for me. (;

soooo let's keep fighting now people!!
signin off. (x

Labels: giddywhoop, justmylife, love, ultimate experience

kangeeen.

9.10.10 || 7:14:00 PM

cant help itt. benarbenar kangennn dengan orangorang ini.
totally miss these people. HEAPS HEAPS HEAPS.

si kakek-jelek-odong-gendutdutdut-my kecoakman.

si manda-andaman-panda-rekanpembuatsuaraaneh.

Labels: justmylife

punishing myself

|| 5:54:00 PM

hello, people! (x
how's life been treating you lately?? great, hopefully, cos you totally deserve it!
i, myself, are experiencing hectic hectic times now in college. what with the upcoming mid-term exams, committee stuffs, training in radio...

hey, guess i forgot to tell you the updates.
first.. i got accepted in IREC (international relations english club), an organization under the international relations students union. as what?? as staff of the funraiser division - responsible for fun stuffs like movie reviews, and the nearest event to come about is... halloween party! (x im responsible as the member of event division, specifically as liaison officer (L.O.) for shante band.
next.. i got accepted in Unpar Radio Station (URS) as producer! yaaaay (x the screening was tough, slightly above the IREC screening test. but thank God i made it yaay hhas now i have to go through some stages of training, but they're all soooo FUN. like heaps. *winkk. the newest members of URS must also prepare an event for the seniors, call the "initiation".
and... third is... RUN, which stands for "Remarkable and Unforgettable Night". this is an event, held by the FISIP (Faculty of Social and Political Science) students year 2010 for the seniors. the theme this year is all about environment. i came up with the tagline which is "fisip for our planet - a charity night". yeah cos basically this event will also contribute for a charity (;

and nooow.
i just finished the novel "eat, love and pray" in one day yesterday. and im obliged to tell you: the boooook IS great. totally. it brings up new perspectives on viewing life, misery, and how to put the misery behind. how to deal and forgive yourself, even others. i found some issues in the book really relevant to mine, and it helps a lot! (x totally recommended. and as far as i know, the movie is now playing in cinemas near you. correct me if im mistaken. hhas cant wait to watch the movie, but... heck, im facing midterm exams starting NEXT monday. gosh. wish me luck, folks. hhas

anyway.. despite reading a great book - fyi, it also encourages me a lot to keep trying and be closer with God - i cant help 'punishing' myself just this afternoon. i dont know why.. just the fact that the problem had never been totally clear..

well, i guess im confusing you. let's move back a sec, then. i'll give you an abstract. let's say.. i hurt someone. i was the one to rely on before this happened, and i really never meant to hurt. well i dont really know actually. i chose. but my choice hurt someone. and this has never been comunicated clearly. i dont really forgive myself. i still cant. so i keep punishing myself over and over again. i keep flickering thru that person's wall, reading all the quotes about liars and betrayers. i cant decide whether it's really my fault. or even, if it's a fault at all. i guess i did make a mistake, i wrong that person. i hurt that person, i fail that person's faith. but.. this isn't a matter i can really choose easily. this isn't a matter i can give up - yet i also dont wanna give up that person. for i still care about that person, i just dont know how to show it. i dont know how to act as if nothing ever happened. i reaaally wanna talk this thru. but i guess it's too late.

im usually not the kinda person who dwells in problems too long. but this one problem.. it never really ceases. sometimes it's pushed into the background, but soon it will resurface. and it will make me feel all wrong.

im still sure about the choice i made. the way i feel.. the way the "other person in this case" feels and makes me feel.. but im not sure about the person i hurt. im not sure what im supposed to do. how to act. what to say. how to make things right.

or...
is it too late to fix things up..?

Labels: justmylife, numb