Doodleyscratch

“i am riding marsha-go-round”

.broken-hearted?.

19.3.09 || 7:39:00 PM

broken-hearted? nope.
i dun want a broken heart,
i dun wanna be d broken-hearted girl,
i dun wanna play dat part.
*sigh

but still, it pains my heart - trying not to care.
not even to look at him.

but... how can i survive (lebay), when my bestfriend said
that he, the one dat i care n lurv d most at the time,
is in lurv with one of his bestfriends???
i'm absolutely out of d game, man.
she's a part of his world, and i'm not.

yes, people said dat it's still only a possibility,
not absolutely accurate... bla bla bla.
but... it still aches my heart.

i dunno! why do chances still even bother coming between me and him??
why do i keep meeting his eyes accidentally?
why do i keep being in d same group with him whenever we have a team-work, etc?
not dat i complain, but...
if he's never to be mine, or...
if he's really in lurv with her...
i've prayed to God to take out those chances.
i need to prepare my heart to break. *sobbing
lol - ooh, touchy touchy. x)
it may sound pretty "too much" but idk.
it really matters to me. hahah at least just for now, i hope. x)

what do u say guys,
keep fighting... or quitting??

when is d best time to...
keep holding on, believing dat u can, n fight for ur lurv?
and when is d best time to let go of dat one,
bcuz u know he'll be happier with someone else n bcuz u lurv him mucho?

ooow. and d best part today dat made my day:
1. i know citenk (my girl, cissy) is finaaaaaaally making it to bali!! nyehehehe
2. i'm gonna have a pyjamas party with my girls, ajay (adel), citenk, n probably polong (jessi)
and iton (inez). x) uwaaaaa, so excited!!

okaii. ciao for now la belle! x) muchos gracias. lol

Labels: bloody day, justmythought, love

.happiness.

16.3.09 || 8:33:00 PM

ahaha u guys!! i'm ecstaticly happy these days.
x) so when u fall in lurv.. it's true, eh??
u feel bubbly, high, soaring... n stuffs! lol i like dis kinda feelin though.
no complain here. lol

so! meika was right. is this month kinda the month of...
should we call it, lurv luck??
i dunno why but it seems that fate, or GOD (can i say?)
is being extremely kind on me. lol
HE's given me bunches and bunches of chances to be with him!!
it drives me crazy. wild-hearted. happy. stupidly ecstatic!! lol

first... i kinda forgot when it started.
humm, i'll just mention it. random order, kk?? x)

so, there's this one teacher who gave me -
out of sudden, out of nowhere -
a special task. to think of themes for a school event.
surprisingly, dat man, is paired with me in this task. wew.
it brought us to stuffs i had barely wished for:
texting. going around the school, just the two of us.
chatting. talkin. gosh. i just.. i'm in like with him?? or in lurv??

dunno yet. off we go!

next is...
lately, almost everytime there's a school announcement,
and we, students, gather in the school hall...
he would sit bside me.
GOSH. oh-my-effin-bloody-crap. isn't it... i dunno.
good sweet great WONDERFUL, to say d least?? lol

and! d most wonderful thing.
we, somehow, manage to be on the SAME bus when goin to bali,
n to be in the SAME class for this communication skill workshop.

come on!! this has gotta be somethin. lol
GOD is being kind, isn't HE?? x)
oh GOD, how beautiful is d work of YOUR hand.
not only all this boy stuffs, but YOU also graced me with sumthin
i can't share here..

THANK YOU, GOD.
YOU'VE SHOWN ME YOUR... i dunno.
YOUR BEAUTIFUL, EXTRAORDINARY WORKS.

i lurv YOU, really.
i do, GOD. x) thank YOU, much and much and much and much...
*oh, shut up, cha.

hwe2 off guys!! x)
take care and may HIS blessings shine upon you..

Labels: giddywhoop, justmylife, love

untitled - yet.

12.3.09 || 8:32:00 PM

untitled - yet.

kertas yang biru
biru yang kertas
biru yang kelabu
kelabu yang biru
'kan kutuliskan kelabuku di kertas yang biru
... adakah kelabuku itu kamu?

-kala itu ditulis seusai ulangan memo dan notulen-
-tanggal berapa? weis lali-

Labels: wordswords

.irrational.

11.3.09 || 8:30:00 PM

have u ever experienced a sudden pain, aching in ur heart?
i have. just today. *n yesterday, actually.

i dunno. i suddenly feel all hopeless n stuffs.
i realise more and more how i love him, yet d despair also grows more and more.
i dunno why i'm feeling dis way. this friggin stuff starts to freak me out.

anyway, to appreciate maya *nyehehehe* i'll use indonesian in my post today. x)

okaii. humm agak aneh rasany. hahah centil bgd c.
okaii. jadiiii.
minggu lalu, g dapet bbrapa ksmpatan untuk bareng ma dy.
i really appreciate those moments. bner2 happy bsa bareng dy.. :)
n sejak awal, krn maya n monik selalu mem-boost up g dengan,
"ada harapan, cha!" , atau "dya juga suka tau ma lu. kelyatan bgd!!" ...
g cukup berani berharap.

terkadang.. g memang merasa harapan itu ada.
dari pandangan2 mata yang sering bertabrakan.
dari dulu pas event *****, dya tau2 duduk d sblah g pas lunch.
dari sikap yang sama2 canggung kalo lagi bareng,
atau salting (quoting monik n maya, nyehehe)...

tapi, seiring tak pernah adanya sinyal lebih lanjut...
seiring tak kunjung adanya smsan lebih lanjut...
harapan itu perlahan musnah.
apalagi 2 hari belakangan ini. tau knapa, harapan g lagi berada di titik nadir.
padahal hari ini sempet bareng.
smpet berdekatan ma sosoknya.
sempet kaget karena tau2 dy menjulang di belakang g. nyehehe stupid.
sempet berinteraksi.
sempet terkagum2 ma refleks dy yang cepet.
sempet minjemin barang ke dy.
*tepatnya, awalnya dy ambil tanpa persetujuan. hahah
smpet sotoy dy, orang g taruhny bukan d tempat itu padahal. :)

g gatau knapa g bisa tiba2 grow so fond of this friggin man;
this absolutely amazing guy, who dares to go inside my heart and mess up with it...
nyehehe love blinds us, people?? HELL, yeah.

*Beyonce, Broken-hearted Girl
You’re everything
I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?
You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl…
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

Labels: justmylife, justmythought, love

crashed

5.3.09 || 8:55:00 PM

i'm crashed, literally.

i wanna escape my depression.
or should i kill it, along with myself??

GOD.
show me YOUR way.
give me YOUR strength, support me with YOUR wings.

sumtimes i wanna die
just to feel the comfort of YOUR laps, GOD.
to feel the peace i'm lacking these past few months.
to be free to cry, and cast all my despair away.
to be laughing happily, eventually, cos i know YOU love me.

but i'm also afraid of dying, GOD.
i'm not good enough to be by YOUR side. YET.

please, GOD.

never leave me...

Labels: bloody day, ruined biatch